Realizing that in less than a month, will make a year from when I made a crazy decision to live out here. Today I went somewhere called China Walls by myself (pictured to the left). There's a huge south swell on Oahu, so it was like having my own front row seat to the huge waves. It was seriously amazing, never seen anything like it.
Anyways, while I was there I couldnt help but stare off into the horizon...thinking how I ended up somewhere in the middle of the Pacific ocean...sitting there alone...made me think a lot. I guess today I had one of those days where I was missing the life I used to live. Not paying rent, and going on vacation at least every other month--haha! Having way more than a handful of friends that were just a phone call away to have dinner or a drink, just hang out. Having family around is a big thing too, I guess. Lynnlynn was in town for a couple weeks, and while I totally didnt enjoy having her friends around (lol), I must admit that it was so comforting to have family in my presence. I guess I have that withdrawal feeling I always get when theyre around, and then suddenly not, haha. It's kind of lonely for a minute!! haha. Like doo doo dooo ::twiddle my fingers::
But I cannot say that I regret being here. I actually really like it! But today I got to thinking, hmm...I wonder for how long I can do it? When am I gonna get that Island fever?? I guess I'll go lease by lease, haha. And right now, the only way I see myself being here forever is if I happen to get knocked up and start my family here. Oh Lord, i don't wanna think about it. Oh did I forget the marriage part? haha, yes! Speaking of, Mike has surprisingly stuck around...haha. It's been over a year with only him, so thats really record-breaking for me, puahhaa. We are really two verry different people, but somehow it works. Works great. so I guess I can't complain....he's been a really good friend to me out here& I guess thats what means the most to me.
So as much as I want to know God's plan for me like RIGHT now...I know I have to be patient. I don't know how long I will be here. I dont know what Im doing with my life right now, haha. I dont know anything! lol. All I know is that I pray as often as I remember to, to be guided in the right direction. I have learned more and more growing up that I cannot have every answer right away...that what seems impossible to understand at the moment, will have a simple answer revealed in time. So many times I have looked back with such clarity on the decisions I have made in the past, both good&bad, and have been glad with how it has shaped my life today. So I guess there is not a doubt in my mind that there is a reason I'm out here...with daisy, jamie, and amber. There is purpose...we're not just here to have tans & drink:P lol.
Amen.
